Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
