WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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