I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
