The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
