I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
