Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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