$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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