M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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