I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
