And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
