I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
