Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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