I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
