it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
