it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
