I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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