Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
