Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
