Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
