tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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