I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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