And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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