he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
