do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
