I think I won the penis lottery.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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