you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize