my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
