And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
