I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
