I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
