the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
