it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
