I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize