If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Couch. On fire.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
