Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
