Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
