I think about you every night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.