Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...

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  (313): Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends... http://tfl.nu/38n2
  Replies (15) Good night (1535) Bad night (703)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her

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  (608): Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her http://tfl.nu/en5u
  Replies (48) Good night (2641) Bad night (3306)
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  (707): View more from California

  you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!

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  (707): you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?! http://tfl.nu/ug5x
  Replies (17) Good night (3684) Bad night (617)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We better fuck soon then

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  (609): I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again. (201): We better fuck soon then http://tfl.nu/yyxr
  Replies (25) Good night (7813) Bad night (1015)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.

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  (703): i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship. http://tfl.nu/7io7
  Replies (12) Good night (753) Bad night (4162)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

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  (817): When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. http://tfl.nu/ucur
  Replies (15) Good night (5241) Bad night (1312)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.

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  (630): Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt. http://tfl.nu/hsva
  Replies (9) Good night (1456) Bad night (896)
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  (559): View more from California

  We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.

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  (559): We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child. http://tfl.nu/mund
  Replies (4) Good night (2061) Bad night (721)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy

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  (601): i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy http://tfl.nu/7bad
  Replies (6) Good night (677) Bad night (2060)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him

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  (813): I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him http://tfl.nu/hd5x
  Replies (23) Good night (1293) Bad night (540)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes

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  (770): Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes http://tfl.nu/v27r
  Replies (13) Good night (1341) Bad night (540)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.

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  (312): Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag. http://tfl.nu/6eu4
  Replies (2) Good night (829) Bad night (445)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.

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  (325): She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her. http://tfl.nu/stpn
  Replies (0) Good night (468) Bad night (188)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits

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  (301): I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits http://tfl.nu/pmw9
  Replies (3) Good night (220) Bad night (514)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.

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  (202): Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund. http://tfl.nu/7pae
  Replies (8) Good night (353) Bad night (1071)

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