the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise