And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires