Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos