Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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