that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
