Ambien. No doubt about it.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
