People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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