Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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