I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You took a bar mat shot.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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