you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
