she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
