Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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