i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
