my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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