Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
