New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There r osticjed everywhere
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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