my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
