Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
