Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
