his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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