I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
