Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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