i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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