My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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