if i can run in heels then i can drive
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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