what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
