I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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