Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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