Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
