I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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