I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
