i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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