please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
