how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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