Buhtt sex?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
