i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
