Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
