ya dads aren't the best wingmen
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
