I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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