you guys were way drunker than both of me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
