great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
