Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
