Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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