You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so that wasnt chicken after all
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
