Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
