How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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